Do You Want to Know How I feel?

Yes. I realize it's been a REALLY long time since I've posted. A lot has been going on and I haven't had time to post. Here's my decompression on a really hard, trying time.


I'm hurt. I'm damaged. I feel alone. It's not just because of a bad breakup. It's not even because the one girl who's liked me in recent history has gone her way. It's not even for one singular reason. It's manly because I am alone most of the time. I don't have one singular best friend. I have many friends. But, I don't have one singular person I can confide everything in and be around all the time. My closest friend (and best friend, don't get me wrong) goes to another school. I'm glad that friend is happy. Their happiness means the world to me. It's just hard to be an an opposite school of your best friend. I don't have someone to go to during the day if I have a problem. If I go to my closer friends at school, I get shot down. They don't tell me anything and if I DARE to say the wrong thing, woe unto me. It's beyond frustrating.


More on the friend subject. If I tell you stuff, I expect to be told stuff. If I trust you, trust me. My closest friends at school don't do that. I tell them almost EVERYTHING. I get told NOTHING. If anything happens to them, I'm the last to find out. I know nothing about them anymore. I think friendship is a delicate line of trust and respect. I feel none of it. We are all in completely separate places, which is always hard. I don't know what to do.


With the failed relationship- Yes. It sucks. It happened. I'm mainly hurt because of the way it ended. You don't end things over a text. It's not classy. You also don't continue to trash me on a blog you KNOW I follow. Treat me with respect. I was the one who was hurt, not you. I can't help things went the way they did.


I feel no one to turn to. No one to hide in. I have so many friends it feels empty sometimes. I can't always spill to the same person. It winds up being that way because NO ONE else understands. I'm here hoping that someone comes along. Someone that gets me and that I can trust. 


I don't have time to finish everything I need to say. 


In the meantime, I'll hang in here. Here goes life. Let the roller coaster commence again.