It's that time again- the goodbye to an old year and the eager welcoming and anticipation of a new year.
This year's looking to be a good one. It's time to (finally) graduate, go to college, and begin the next stage of life. After the petty drama and shifting friendships, the tragedy, and the sadness of 2011, it's time. But it's also not time after the many wonderful memories the year has offered.
I come to this point every year, as do many other people: there's so many things to wish for and look forward to, but sometimes we don't even see what was there. I've had a great year. I've had a sad year. They all add into making an enriching experience. I don't want to regret this year... I'm sure one day I will look back and see the good accomplished this year. The dying friendships and personal pain can't destroy good memories. There's so many good things that have happened and so many bad things that are in the past.
2012 offers me a new beginning. I've never had the chance to completely start over... I'm beyond nervous of what's on the way. Life is moving on... the roller coaster is picking up momentum. I'm ready for the ride and can't wait to see how the chips will fall and everything will wind up.
Happy New Year everyone, and many more!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Religion?
Time for another one of my fun rants... I am so sick and tired of people shoveling religion on me. I'm not religious and honestly never have been.
I believe in God. I just don't feel like I belong to any church/creed. I've been to several evangelical churches over the years, and it always felt like I was chased out with a broomstick and pitchforks. I made friends who then turned on me and treated me like a subhuman for some reason. I've come to discover that people at a church are pretty much some of the fakest, most hurtful people you'll ever meet. It just doesn't make sense.
If I dare to question religion, or even God, my friends give me crap about it and act like I'm a horrible person. I can't help that I wonder about these things. My family is religious, but they are also some of the most judgmental, cliquish people I know. I love them, but it's true. There's ALWAYS drama of some sort and they judge everyone different than them.
I've found that churchgoers are all pretty much like that. The thing is, I can't even talk to my parents about it. If I even mention it, I'm evil and need to go to church more. This vicious cycle has made me anticipate leaving the co-op and not having to go, except on Christmas and Easter. I just feel like there's so many more things to do in life than sit in church and be judged.
The clock is ticking... I'm so tired of these cliquey church people. But, I'm still hoping to be proven wrong about them and actually find a friend at a church who doesn't keep tabs and judge.
Until next time....
I believe in God. I just don't feel like I belong to any church/creed. I've been to several evangelical churches over the years, and it always felt like I was chased out with a broomstick and pitchforks. I made friends who then turned on me and treated me like a subhuman for some reason. I've come to discover that people at a church are pretty much some of the fakest, most hurtful people you'll ever meet. It just doesn't make sense.
If I dare to question religion, or even God, my friends give me crap about it and act like I'm a horrible person. I can't help that I wonder about these things. My family is religious, but they are also some of the most judgmental, cliquish people I know. I love them, but it's true. There's ALWAYS drama of some sort and they judge everyone different than them.
I've found that churchgoers are all pretty much like that. The thing is, I can't even talk to my parents about it. If I even mention it, I'm evil and need to go to church more. This vicious cycle has made me anticipate leaving the co-op and not having to go, except on Christmas and Easter. I just feel like there's so many more things to do in life than sit in church and be judged.
The clock is ticking... I'm so tired of these cliquey church people. But, I'm still hoping to be proven wrong about them and actually find a friend at a church who doesn't keep tabs and judge.
Until next time....
Thursday, November 10, 2011
It's Been a While
It's been a while since I've written on this blog. I honestly don't have time to keep it up and I know no one reads it... so... here's a rant. It may be the last on here, it may now. I'm keeping my options open.
I've had it. I've had it with high school. I've had it with some of my friends. I've had it with drama. I've had it with misery. I've had it with people pushing the wrong things and not taking my subtle hints. I'm tired of not being loved by my friends. Or being truly cared about. I'm tired of aching. I'm tired of hurting.
Don't know when things will get better. All I/we/humanity can do is hope. Life feels like a long twisted road. I'm at the beginning but the fog ahead is killing me.
I know what I have planned. I know what I want to do. The waiting to see my plans and dreams come to fruition is painful. I want to know. I want someone to freaking care. I want my friends back and I want some true friends. Some true connections. I feel broken and have felt broken for a long time.
2011 has not been the best year. I've struggled. I've had friends die. I've had people move on. It's been a long haul. My hope is the next will be better. It can only go up.
Until next time... or never.
Eric.
I've had it. I've had it with high school. I've had it with some of my friends. I've had it with drama. I've had it with misery. I've had it with people pushing the wrong things and not taking my subtle hints. I'm tired of not being loved by my friends. Or being truly cared about. I'm tired of aching. I'm tired of hurting.
Don't know when things will get better. All I/we/humanity can do is hope. Life feels like a long twisted road. I'm at the beginning but the fog ahead is killing me.
I know what I have planned. I know what I want to do. The waiting to see my plans and dreams come to fruition is painful. I want to know. I want someone to freaking care. I want my friends back and I want some true friends. Some true connections. I feel broken and have felt broken for a long time.
2011 has not been the best year. I've struggled. I've had friends die. I've had people move on. It's been a long haul. My hope is the next will be better. It can only go up.
Until next time... or never.
Eric.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Do You Want to Know How I feel?
Yes. I realize it's been a REALLY long time since I've posted. A lot has been going on and I haven't had time to post. Here's my decompression on a really hard, trying time.
I'm hurt. I'm damaged. I feel alone. It's not just because of a bad breakup. It's not even because the one girl who's liked me in recent history has gone her way. It's not even for one singular reason. It's manly because I am alone most of the time. I don't have one singular best friend. I have many friends. But, I don't have one singular person I can confide everything in and be around all the time. My closest friend (and best friend, don't get me wrong) goes to another school. I'm glad that friend is happy. Their happiness means the world to me. It's just hard to be an an opposite school of your best friend. I don't have someone to go to during the day if I have a problem. If I go to my closer friends at school, I get shot down. They don't tell me anything and if I DARE to say the wrong thing, woe unto me. It's beyond frustrating.
More on the friend subject. If I tell you stuff, I expect to be told stuff. If I trust you, trust me. My closest friends at school don't do that. I tell them almost EVERYTHING. I get told NOTHING. If anything happens to them, I'm the last to find out. I know nothing about them anymore. I think friendship is a delicate line of trust and respect. I feel none of it. We are all in completely separate places, which is always hard. I don't know what to do.
With the failed relationship- Yes. It sucks. It happened. I'm mainly hurt because of the way it ended. You don't end things over a text. It's not classy. You also don't continue to trash me on a blog you KNOW I follow. Treat me with respect. I was the one who was hurt, not you. I can't help things went the way they did.
I feel no one to turn to. No one to hide in. I have so many friends it feels empty sometimes. I can't always spill to the same person. It winds up being that way because NO ONE else understands. I'm here hoping that someone comes along. Someone that gets me and that I can trust.
I don't have time to finish everything I need to say.
In the meantime, I'll hang in here. Here goes life. Let the roller coaster commence again.
I'm hurt. I'm damaged. I feel alone. It's not just because of a bad breakup. It's not even because the one girl who's liked me in recent history has gone her way. It's not even for one singular reason. It's manly because I am alone most of the time. I don't have one singular best friend. I have many friends. But, I don't have one singular person I can confide everything in and be around all the time. My closest friend (and best friend, don't get me wrong) goes to another school. I'm glad that friend is happy. Their happiness means the world to me. It's just hard to be an an opposite school of your best friend. I don't have someone to go to during the day if I have a problem. If I go to my closer friends at school, I get shot down. They don't tell me anything and if I DARE to say the wrong thing, woe unto me. It's beyond frustrating.
More on the friend subject. If I tell you stuff, I expect to be told stuff. If I trust you, trust me. My closest friends at school don't do that. I tell them almost EVERYTHING. I get told NOTHING. If anything happens to them, I'm the last to find out. I know nothing about them anymore. I think friendship is a delicate line of trust and respect. I feel none of it. We are all in completely separate places, which is always hard. I don't know what to do.
With the failed relationship- Yes. It sucks. It happened. I'm mainly hurt because of the way it ended. You don't end things over a text. It's not classy. You also don't continue to trash me on a blog you KNOW I follow. Treat me with respect. I was the one who was hurt, not you. I can't help things went the way they did.
I feel no one to turn to. No one to hide in. I have so many friends it feels empty sometimes. I can't always spill to the same person. It winds up being that way because NO ONE else understands. I'm here hoping that someone comes along. Someone that gets me and that I can trust.
I don't have time to finish everything I need to say.
In the meantime, I'll hang in here. Here goes life. Let the roller coaster commence again.
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